Seoras didn't breath immediately, but we weren't too alarmed. His heartbeat was strong as it had been throughout the labour. Sarah did the usual things of rubbing him down, blowing in his face while I held him close. When that didn't work, Sarah sent Neil to call for an ambulance while she fetched the resuscitation kit. She immediately started bagging him, but he was making no effort to breath. When the ambulance arrived we cut the cord and they took him to the hospital, still bagging him. He arrived at hospital at under half an hour old and had still not made an attempt to breathe.
As soon as the ambulance crew had taken him, I asked Sarah to administer syntometrine to hasten delivery of the placenta. We had been planning a physiological third stage, but obviously that went out the window in favour of getting to the hospital. We had a bit of difficulty delivering the placenta but once that was done I cleaned myself up (in the pool!) while Sarah took the cord bloods (I’m rhesus negative), we gathered some random bits and pieces together and then we headed to the hospital.
We were greeted by good news - the ambulance crew who had collected Seoras told us they were headed to the Neo-Natal Unit (NNU) to get him an incubator. At least we knew he was still alive.
We found out later that he weighed 3.51kg (7lb 12oz) and was 53cm long (21") with a head circumference of 34cm (13.5").
We spent an hour or so, maybe more, I lost track of time so often that day, in Casualty (ER) while they stabilised and assessed him. At about 6.30 he made the first of the gasping breaths he continued to make for most of the rest of his short life. At the time this was a good sign, despite him being two hours old. Unfortunately he got no further. By this stage he was highly acidotic and that was not responding the treatment, despite him having had artificial respiration since before the cord was cut.
Looking back the damage was done by that point - he had already suffered the brain damage that meant we decided to switch off artificial respiration. We didn’t yet know that though and they transferred him up to NNU. That was the point at which we phoned our parents, and I fired off a text to a couple of friends while Neil drove Sarah and I round to the Maternity department. At that point we were still all hopeful he would pull through and I remember talking with Sarah about expressing colostrum for him while we were waiting to see him.
By 10am he was almost breathing alone - but it was still gasping, not regular breathing. However the Registrar and then the Consultant warned us that the acidosis had not improved and there was a 95% chance he would not make it. The 5% chance he would live was the worse option - he would without doubt be severely brain damaged. They asked us if we were willing to give permission for no steps to be taken to revive him if his heart stopped beating. It was the only thing that was working properly, so we agreed that if his heart failed we did not want them to administer drugs etc to keep him alive. They did an EEG just before lunch and the initial results were as expected - little to no brain activity. We agreed to wait until the final results were in before making our final decision, but that we would discuss our options in the meantime.
The staff at the NNU also asked whether we wanted Seoras to be baptised. We did, so they arranged for the hospital Chaplain, Father Stuart, to come and talk to us. He explained that although he was an Church of England priest he was willing to baptise Seoras if we wanted. His short service was beautiful and his care and his words meant a lot to us both.
Around 4pm the results confirmed the initial diagnosis. We had decided that we would disconnect the respirator. The doctors were not sure how long his gasps would sustain him, but we had already been provided with a quiet, comfortable private room and we were told we would be able to take him down there and spend whatever time he had alone with him.
As Neil’s parents would arrive within an hour or so we opted to wait until they arrived and in fact we waited a little longer, leaving them to sit with Seoras while we tried to get something to eat (for me the first meal in almost 48 hours) and some time alone together.
When we returned to NNU, we met with the duty Consultant (who had just come on shift and reviewed Seoras’ notes) who confirmed what her colleague had told us earlier in the day. We gave them permission to disconnect life support and they left to begin removing the IV lines and monitors, we followed a few minutes later and they removed the respirator tube while I held him.
I then carried him through to our room, holding my little boy unencumbered by the tubes and wires just as I had all those hours earlier when he had just been born.
We spent over an hour and a half, the four of us cuddling Seoras, talking to him and taking dozens of photos. Then Neil’s parents left us while Neil and I lay on the bed, Seoras between us, and napped and held each other (and Seoras) for another hour or so.
